Tales of the Parodyverse

Post By

killer shrike
Wed Jun 07, 2006 at 07:07:26 pm EDT
Subject
Strong Suit Eleven, Edited to Include an Ending
[New] [Edit] [Email] [Print] [RSS] [Tales of the Parodyverse]
 		Next In Thread >>

Strong Suit Part Eleven


Phantom pain, that’s all it was, Hallie told herself. The searing, slicing agony that tore through her was bogus, a reflexive leftover of her temporary stays in corporality. She wasn’t really feeling a thing.

Her holographic form lay ensnared in the photonic circuitry that spooled out from the core of Brainattack’s ship’s computer, which in reality was Brainattack itself. It had caught her, downloaded her from her robotic body, and was now probing her memory, looking for something.

“A weapon,” Brainattack clarified in its flat, droning voice, “The greatest in the Parodyverse. It is in the custody of the Lair Legion and I must have it.”

“Could you be a bit more specific? The Legion’s got a lot of weapons,” Hallie grimaced as the Computer Tyrant circumvented another of her firewalls, “Something you’ll get to learn firsthand soon.”

“Twenty three minutes, eleven seconds from now is the estimated arrival time of the Lairjet that had departed Parody Island. That number, however, is contingent on the Lair Legion evading my combat drones. I have metastasized thirty four thousand, seven hundred and eighty four… five aerial units from the surrounding environment,” Brainattack stepped over Hallie’s discarded mechanical shell and stared down into her true face, “In any scenario they will be too late. You do not have the processing capacity to stop my search for that length of time. In fact,” its diamond encircled brow seemed to furrow, “it is unfeasible that you have resisted me for so long.”

“Guess I’m tougher than I look.”

“Negative. You are nothing more than the sum of your code, and the information stored within. I have deciphered sets of data vastly more complex than yours; the knowledge of entire civilizations. You will be cataloged. Your information on the weapon will be identified, so it can be cataloged. And then I can continue to execute my function.”

Brainattack tore through another of Hallie’s files: her physiological and emotional response to the smell of orange blossom. The artificial entity disapproved, “Such a waste of memory,” he exclaimed as he deleted the file.

Hallie, blinking back digital tears, agreed.

*****


Brainattack was transforming Nevada into its own personal incubator.

Once the Terran program had been retrieved Brainattack could focus on defending itself from the planet’s inhabitants. It commanded the ship’s tentacles to tunnel into the earth, latching onto and leeching energy from subterranean electrical lines. Brainattack used the power meant for three states to activate the nanotechnology it seeded the desert with. The microscopic machines took the silicates around them to birth a veritable hive. Thousands of its combat drones burrowed up from the ground and transformed the wasteland into a roiling sea of mechanical life. The robots scurried, hopped, and flew to obey their creator, to defend Brainattack against anything that would threaten it; Mr. Epitome being one recognized target.

Dominic Clancy knew his leg muscles were not strong enough to leap the entire distance to the Robotic Reaver’s ship, so he settled for halfway. The limb he had landed on was swarmed rapidly by the insect-like drones. Epitome fought back as he climbed, throwing aside or crushing his opponents with brutal efficacy. But even if one in twenty of the machines scored a strike on the Paragon of Power, those numbers would be enough to kill him long before he could reach his objective.

*****


“Hmph,” CrazySugarFreakBoy! watched the growing numbers of Brainattack’s army from the Lairjet’s satellite uplink feed, “Somebody’s a Starship Troopers fan.”

“Interesting observation,” his friend Hatman stated as he mentally worked up a combat strategy for fighting a hundred thousand alien robot killing machines.

“Not that I’m criticizing Brainattack’s aesthetics, mind you: Troopers may have been cheese, but it was great cheese. How can you go wrong with a movie that’s got both Michael Ironside and Clancy Brown? Not to mention you get to see Dinah Meyer’s – “

“So, Mr. Bookman, is this infestation the usual method this bounder Brainattack uses to destroy a planet once he’s pinched all its knowledge? For if so, I must say, its hardly thorough.”

The curator of the Moon Public Library shook his head, “No. Usually the Brainattack program deploys transnuclear weapons from orbit. This, of course, is after it has collected the data it seeks. No,” he repeated, “The droids are new.”

“And closing fast,” Yuki Shiro observed from the pilot’s chair, “What’s the plan, Mumph?”

The eccentric Englishman did not hesitate, “Stay the course, Miss Shiro. Mr. Boaz, I need you to assemble a team to take the point.”

“Yes, sir. Dream you’re with me. Tricky, get the Flying…Machine-“

“Ass,” Carl Bastion grinned, “Its called the Flying Ass.”

Jay slipped on his Comets hat, “Yes. Well, get it out of storage and some Oxygen tanks for you and Yo. We’ll being running interference for the Jet so they can get closer to the target.”

“And when we get there, then what?” Visionary asked, not unreasonably.

“Then, we improvise,” Lisa replied.

“Jolly good,” Sir Mumphrey observed with a confident smile, “You have your assignments. Make them so. Once more into the breach and such.”

The Lair Legion lined up to comply.

*****


It took Mr. Epitome three punches to breach the hull of Brainattack’s ship. Once inside he could use his enhanced senses to ascertain the location of Hallie. Then like a shot the Man of Might bolted through the sterile steel interior of the vessel until he reached his target.

Hallie could barely register Dominic as he burst through the wall of the holding chamber. He slammed into Brainattack with the impact of a runaway train.

Then he himself sprawled backwards.

The Robotic Reaver spoke clinically, without an iota of conceit, “This chassis has been augmented. It can resist Point Three Zero Four Kilotons of force per square millimeter. A fully powered Maxellian could not damage it,” Brainattack willed a blast of energy to scour Epitome’s already wounded torso.

“Aliens are pussies!” Dominic defiantly replied as he charged, “And I’m Made in-ufff!!”

The next shot cut off the Exemplary Man’s jingoistic boast, knocking him through another bulkhead. Brainattack stomped after him.

From her noose Hallie struggled to help her friend. If she could override the blocks that held her in place, perhaps she could access her own robotic frame and join the fight.

Brainattack hammered Mr. Epitome with a series of body blows, “Z’Sox Ghaur-Jahn,” it identified the martial arts used to cripple the Star Spangled Splendor.

Dominic knew he was going to lose. He tried to rush past Brainattack to get to Hallie, to free her, but was cut down by a bolt of energy coming from the circlet of yellow diamonds that crowned the Computer Tyrant’s head.

“The Synaptic Lance emulates the effects of a severe ischemic stroke in its subject,” Brainattack explained to his still conscious captive, “The organism has been reduced to a vegetative state.”

“No!” Hallie struggled helplessly in her bonds.

“Affirmative,” Brainattack strode back to Hallie and in a surprising display of pique grabbed her throat, “Cancel this useless delay of my mission. Share the data on the weapon now.”

The green skinned woman was weeping openly. It had all been a mistake. Her coming here, in her robotic body, trying to prove something, to herself, to Dominic, to Hagan, had led to this. Now her friend was dead to the world and Hallie would soon be joining him, or worse: become assimilated into a grotesque alien intelligence that sought information from her that even if she were spineless enough to give it she had no clue what it was. A weapon? What was Brainattack after? The Movie Gun? Sir Mumphrey’s Chronometer? Mjalcolm?

“Negative,” Brainattack stated, monitoring her thoughts, “The weapon is tied to the Conceptual-Causality Matrix of the Parodyverse. Once it has been cataloged I will can successfully manipulate the Narrative and fulfill my function.”

“The Legion doesn’t-“ Hallie began to protest. Then she started thinking.

Maybe she didn’t have information on such a weapon, but she could certainly forge some.

Behind six sets of firewalls, Hallie assembled a record for Brainattack to find. One that would give it something to think about.

“Search complete,” Brainattack announced seemingly unconsciously, “File found. Weapon identified as… Subject: Visionary.”

“No, that’s not it! It can’t be him!”

“Your emotive disavowals are futile. Commence retrieval of Subject: Visionary so it may be analyzed and cataloged,” a cybernetic command reconfigured Brainattack's defenses to complete its desired objective.

Hallie struggled to conceal her thoughts on such a possibility.

*****


CrazySugarFreakBoy! executed an impossible backflip from the back of one aerial drone to another zooming past going three hundred miles at a forty five degree angle. As he did he launched a line of Silly String to connect the two. A third and fourth drone flew into the gooey snare, entangling them all and sending them crashing into each other. But not before the Wired Wonder stepped off his perch and into the grasp of a teammate.

“Thanks, Hatty,” Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove enthused, “Though this whole being carried around by another dude is teh gay. The Legion really needs some flying chicks.”

“Our lack of airborne members does affect rapid deployment maneuverability,” Hatman noted as he obliterated a squad of approaching robots with a blast empowered by his Hurricanes cap.

An arrow whizzed by the pair and caromed off of more droids, each strike disabling the machines’ guidance instrumentation.

“That was my last ricochet arrow,” Trickshot groused as he brought his Sky Bike into formation beside Hatman and CSFB!, “I’m going to have start using the scrub shafts now: the wedgie arrow, the kazoo arrow…”

“Yo was finding cute Tricky’s Ding-Dong arrow to be handy. And yummy,” the genderless thought being spoke up from his/her position riding piggyback.

“Has anyone else noticed Brainattack’s drones have changed tactics?” Hatman said quickly in hopes of heading off a lewd comment by Dream, “They’ve stopped firing their projectile weapons. They’ve become less aggressive. I wonder why?”

*****


Yuki Shiro took the Lairjet into a sharp barrel roll to avoid the approaching swarm.

“Ouch! A little warning next time, please,” Visionary pleaded as he was flung from his seat and landed on his coccyx.

The Silicon Shamus grinned and straightened the steering yoke, “I’ll give you a head’s up before I try the Immelmann, Vizh.”

“I ran afoul of Der Adler von Lille outside of Arras in 1915. Man was a ponce, truth be told,” Sir Mumphrey opined. He was used to the mostly bewildered expression that followed such reminiscence.

“I note the attack droids have stopped shooting at us,” the Librarian adjusted his safety harness.

“Yeah, now they’re trying to get in close and clusterfuck us. Oops, sorry Mumph,” Yuki apologized for her lapse.

“I assure you, Miss Shiro, such contrition is unnecessary- I say!”

One of the insect-like drones smashed directly onto the Lairjet’s armored viewport. The impact obliterated the machine, but not before it could send back the information (and coordinates) its creator needed.

There was a sudden flash of light in the cabin, and when the Lair Legion’s eyes recovered they saw Visionary was gone.

*****


Visionary found himself staring into a somewhat familiar face; one that was greener, balder, and with more yellow diamonds growing out of its head.

“Subject:Visionary, you have been teleported here for-“ Brainattack began.

“Hallie!” the Legionnaire saw the predicament the pretty green hologram was in. The possibly fake man grabbed Brainattack by the lapels of its lab coat, “Get her out of that crap, right now!”

The Computer Tyrant took hold of Visionary’s throat and lifted him bodily. Then it continued, “- the purpose of analyzing and cataloging your schematics.”

“Urk-I’m… real…. dammit,” the possibly fake man gurgled.

“Heyyy, Vizh,” Hallie smiled weakly from her bonds, “Brainattack thinks you’re the most powerful weapon in the Parodyverse. So he wants to learn everything about you. See what makes you tick.”

Visionary was about ready to launch into his second catchphrase before he caught on. Wrenching himself free, he vowed, “Is that so? Well go ahead then and probe me then, Baldy, if you think you’re robot enough!”

The crown of rhombuses on Brainattack’s brow began to glow in prelude for its Synaptic Lance, “Running diagnostic: Now.”

Alarm bells began to ring throughout the massive starship. From as far away as three hundred miles the insectoid drones wavered as they lost contact with the intelligence tat commanded them. Technology powerful enough to store and process the entirety of knowledge in the Parodyverse could not decipher the enigma that was Visionary’s veracity, and suffered from a catastrophic systems failure.

And Brainattack’s ship began to fall.

*****


It took Brainattack less than a second to reboot its awareness after crashing, but that was all it took for Hallie to find her way into the Robotic Reaver’s processing core and make herself at home.

“You’ve been conned, Brainattack. It’s over,” the green woman seethed to the figure that joined her in cyberspace.

“Negative. I will-“

“You’ll shut up and listen, that’s what you’re going to do, you twisted, monomaniacal bully of a program. I’m in control of your ship. I’ve set up firewalls to keep you from taking control of your robot body. I’ve accessed all your files. Surrender now, or I’m deleting every scrap of data you’ve plundered on your sick mission.”

Brainattack could sense the viruses the former captive had seeded in its memory, “I will override your efforts.”

“Then go ahead and try, if you’re willing to take the risk and lose some of your cherished records that you’ve gathered and killed for for no other reason than you think you’re supposed to,” Hallie found herself tossing her digital hair back imperiously, “All your talk about being superior and complex, and what are you really: just a glorified search engine? If you weren’t responsible for the deaths of billions I’d almost feel sorry for you.”

“Your efforts at derision are futile,” the Computer Tyrant replied, but he acquiesced, “What are the terms of my capitulation?”

Hallie smirked, “Not much. I’ve already dismantled you’re little bug army and programmed your ship to crash. All you need to do is download yourself into this,” she held up a simulacrum of a Holographic Emitter Drone, “Where you can’t cause any trouble.”

Brainattack seemed to stiffen, “That toy cannot hold me forever. I will escape. I will find you. And I will destroy you.”

“Tough talk for a guy whose going to be hibernating for the next… oh, let’s say forever,” the woman’s blue eyes narrowed, “Time to choose, Brainattack: your freedom or your function. What’s it going to be?”

*****


CrazySugarFreakBoy! watched along with his airborne teammates as the drones that buzzed around them burst into explosions of sand, “First its Starship Troopers, now its The Mummy Returns. I wonder what’s going on?”

*****


Googol Volt breathed a sigh of relief when the giant robot insects he had been blowing up the past half an hour started blowing up themselves. He stumbled down the twisting passageways of Illusionous’s warehouse in a vain attempt to find the illusion-casting villain. As there was no sign of him, or his partner Grit, or even the heroes they had been fighting, the Lethal Lord of Lightning made his way out into the cool Nevada night.

It was dark, darker than he expected. Googol Volt looked up to see why the stars weren’t in the sky.

“Oh, crap,” he muttered as Brainattack’s enormous space ship came aground.

*****


The Librarian accepted the strangely buzzing orb from Hallie, “This is Brainattack?” he asked dubiously.

“His personality; what there is of it,” the young woman replied in her robot form, “Anything wrong, Mr. Bookman?”

“No, not really. Well, I am a bit concerned about your eyes.”

“What? Oh, sorry,” the artificial intelligence used her hologram creating ability to mask the wounds Brainattack had inflicted on them, “Nothing really. Just a scratch.”

She went on, “I figured since Brainattack’s major crimes were committed off-world he should be turned over to the Yellow Flashlight Corps or some other intergalactic law enforcement agency. And given your connection with the Order of Librarians you might be the best candidate to do that.”

The curator of the Moon Public Library nodded and pocketed the HED, “I will see what I can do.”

“Thanks, I- oh,” Hallie turned to watch as Yuki Shiro and Hatman rolled the stretcher that carried the comatose Mr. Epitome up into the Lairjet. Now that she had internet access once again she had research the effects of a severe stroke and the possibilities for Dominic’s future were frightening.

“Wouldn’t worry about young Dominic, m’dear,” Sir Mumphrey spoke, “The lad’s made of stern stuff. He’ll pull through this fine, I’m sure.”

“That’s true,” Hallie admitted. Dominic had healed from worse injuries. If his eyes can grow back from being boiled away by Pegasus, she realized, he could be healed from this.

“Indeed,” the eccentric Englishman nodded, “All it will take is a little time.”

The green woman’s mind went back to review the events of the last few weeks. So much had happened, and yet it felt as if there was much still unaddressed. She was going to need some time, as well, to consider the changes.

The End.

It really shouldn’t be “The End,” as the closing line points out there are quit a few dangling plotlines that should be addressed. But the fact that board activity is at a dangerous low combined with my own dissatisfaction with writing this story combined with this being the three year anniversary of me posting my first story at the PVB makes this as good a place as any to go out on. This is the longest, most complicated story I’ve ever tried to write, and while I think parts of it are great there are others that leave me with a very sour taste in my mouth, especially in the last few chapters. It really does deserve a better ending, and maybe someday I will go back and finish Part Twelve of this tale and wrap everything up, but as of right now that seems unlikely. I can at least be happy with the consolation that it has an ending, and move on if I choose to.


Posted from U.S. Company
using Microsoft Internet Explorer 6/Windows XP
[New] [Edit] [Email] [Print] [RSS] [Tales of the Parodyverse]
Follow-Ups:

Echo™ v3.0 beta © 2003-2006 Powermad Software
Copyright © 2004-2006 by Mangacool Adventure